Growing Up in Shadows: When Parents’ Choices Define Your Childhood
Some stories settle into your bones like old houses, full of creaking floorboards and rooms youd rather not enter. Lana LeesA Yellow Rose in Thorns Clothingis one of those stories. This story is about what happens when the people who are supposed to love you leave fingerprints on your soul instead.
Contents
The Weight of Absence
The Lies We Inherit
The Long Road Out
What Remains
A Thought to Carry with You:
A Yellow Rose in Thorns Clothing
The Weight of Absence
Lanas father was a ghost long before he died. A military man who traded parenting for war zones and tequila runs to Mexico.I was eight,she writes.The last time I saw my dad after the divorce, I was sitting on his lap in a chair in the living room of our run-down duplex. He had tears running down his face.Then he vanished for a decade, leaving behind only the sour smell of alcohol and unanswered questions.
Her mother tried to fill the silence with new husbands. First came Wayne, who yelled about crooked rugs and called Lana the source of all the static in the house. Then Warren, who stole something far more precious than her childhood: her trust.He pulled me up from the piano bench,Lana remembers.I want you to know what boys are going to try to do to you, he said as he slid one hand into my underwear and the other one up inside my pajama top.When she told her mother, the response was a knife twist:Im sure he had good intentions.
The Lies We Inherit
Children believe what theyre taught, even when the lessons are poisonous. Lana learned early that love came with conditions and that her value depended on how well she could make herself small.I never felt like I accomplished anything significant,she confesses.The important things were always a struggle.
This is how generational trauma works. It whispers in your ear long after the shouting stops. Lanas first husband, Howard, sounded eerily familiar when he said:Youre not pretty, and you dont have a good personality. Men will only be after you for one thing.Her second husband, David, kept the tradition alive with threats and control. The patterns repeated like a song she couldnt stop humming.
The Long Road Out
Breaking cycles isnt like in the movies. Theres no dramatic speech, no single moment of triumph. For Lana, it happened in fragments:
The day she realized her grandparents typewriter (the one she used to peck outThe Spies Who Loved Horses) gave her more comfort than her mothers arms
The nights she spent chain-smoking Benson & Hedges, exhaling the shame along with the smoke
The way Gloria GaynorsI Will Survivebecame less of a song and more of a promise
Healing, when it came, arrived quietly. It came in the form of a man named Ed, who didnt ask her to shrink. Who kissed her in a half-empty house and didnt flinch at her scars.That is the second half of my story,she writes. The part where the shadows finally start to fade.
What Remains
Heres the truth no one tells you about survival: the past never really leaves. You just learn to carry it differently. Lanas fathers alcoholism, her mothers betrayalsthey live in the way she still startles at raised voices, in the way she sometimes doubts her own worth.
But they dont get the final word.
Somewhere between the wreckage and the redemption, Lana discovered this: you can love your parents without excusing them. You can acknowledge the damage without letting it define you. And sometimes, if youre very lucky, you can find someone who helps you rewrite the ending.
A Thought to Carry with You
The next time you see a rose growing through concrete, remember... Even the most damaged soil can nurture something beautiful.
A Yellow Rose in Thorns Clothing
Im not famous. Im not a celebrity. Im a normal person like most of you. This book is a record of my memories and experiences from a young child until I was thirty-seven and met my third husband in between. I faced challenges, made some questionable choices, suffered the consequences, and persevered. Im still here to talk about it. I felt like it was important to share this story as Im sure many people can relate. I hope to provide encouragement, empathy, and support. None of us are perfect. Weve all made our mistakes. We may not be forgiven by the general public, but most importantly, we have to forgive ourselves. It is never too late to change the path that we are on, and it is never time to give up. I hope that you find inspiration from this book.
